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Không đề…


 

Một trang note trắng…

Một bản piano…

Một ly cà fe…

Eternal sunshine on the spotless mind…

Và một giọt nước mắt…

Một ngày cuối tuần lặng lẽ, im ắng và trống vắng. Có lẽ đã khá lâu rồi tôi mới ngồi xuống và viết một cái gì đó thực sự cho mình. Người ta bảo rằng, những đại văn hào thường có một cuộc đời khá buồn và bi đát. Bởi nỗi đau, mất mát, và đôi khi là sai lầm khiến người ta phải hối hận suốt cả đời còn lại lại cho họ được những quãng trầm trong từng dòng văn, từng nhân vật. Ngày xưa tôi cũng thường nghĩ rằng mình là nhà văn như thế, tôi vẽ ra cho mình một cuộc đời lâm li bi đát, cốt yếu để cho người ta thấy rằng đâu đó trong cách mình cư xử, có đượm một chút tương tư, mỗi một câu mình nói ra, mang một chút gì đó trĩu nặng. Mà cái gì làm người ta buồn, thì người ta thường nhớ lâu, có lẽ là rất lâu…

Kể từ khi đi du học, tôi dần ít viết, ít viết cái gì đó thuộc về tâm tư, ít viết những gì mà sau này khi đọc lại, tôi vẫn có thể khóc cùng từng dòng văn của mình. Bạn tôi lâu dần cũng không còn ghé blog. Có một giai đoạn tôi đi tìm để viết một cái gì đó to tát, cố sắp xếp blog theo chủ đề, có hệ thống, nhưng có lẽ cảm xúc của con người không như thế, không rạch ròi, không xâu chuỗi một cách logic. Và kết quả cuối cùng là tôi chẳng cho ra được một đoạn văn nào ra hồn…

Cuộc đời tôi có lẽ vừa bước sang một giai đoạn mới, theo lời của rất nhiều người nói. Bạn bè khắp nơi gửi thiệp chúc mừng, những người thân hạnh phúc khi thấy tôi tìm được một bến đỗ bình yên, mọi người ngưỡng mộ, bàn tán về mối tình đẹp như trong truyện cổ tích. Vậy mà như anh nói, đôi khi anh ghét khi nghe mọi người ca ngợi tình yêu của mình. Bởi đâu có ai biết được rằng trong đó là những đau đớn, những nước mắt, những lúc tưởng như lồng ngực vỡ tung, tưởng như trái tim như bị thắt chặt. Có lúc cả hai chỉ muốn hét vào khoảng không vô hình trước mặt. Và tình yêu có lẽ là vậy chăng? Là con người ta cảm thấy như nỗi đau của cả hai như siết vào nhau, để mỗi khi một bên nắm một đầu dây và kéo, cả hai sẽ cùng đau. Và có lẽ  lời khuyên thiết thực nhất cho những ai đặt câu hỏi liệu mình đã sẵn sàng để bước đến hôn nhân hay chưa, là nếu chưa cảm thấy rằng mình thực sự đau vì ngừoi mình yêu thương, thấy những tổn thương trong trái tim người mình yêu cũng làm lòng mình quặn lại, thì có lẻ họ vẫn chưa sẵn sàng để bước đến một cam kết của cuộc đời.

Ngày tôi bước lên xe hoa, có lẽ không phải là ngày đáng nhớ nhất. Những bận rộn, những mệt mỏi, những lo toan để cho một đám cưới vẹn toàn dường như làm tôi quên mất sự quan trọng của nó. Và cũng giống như anh nói, có gì khác đâu em, chỉ là 24 tiếng mình khoác lên chiếc áo vest và chiếc váy cưới sang trọng, một ngày bận rộn trong những ngày bận rộn của cuộc sống thường nhật, một ngày vui trong những ngày hạnh phúc, một ngày mệt mỏi trong những ngày mệt mỏi, một ngày để nhớ trong những ngày không thể nào quên. Nhìn anh cặm cụi bên dàn bông đêm trước lễ cưới, giọng khản đặc, bỗng dưng mắt tôi nhoè đi…Niềm hạnh phúc trong mắt anh, bàn tay anh vỗ về tôi, cái cau mày lo lắng khi chưa làm xong cổng hoa, cách anh nâng niu tôi như một hạt pha lê…sau tất cả những năm tháng đó, những năm tháng của đam mê, hạnh phúc, áp lực, đau khổ, chán nản, bối rối…Tôi ước gì có thể ôm lấy anh mà lấy hết được tất cả những gì anh đã chịu đựng, và thả chúng đi thật xa, thật xa…Dẫu biết rằng kí ức là phần hồn của cuộc sống, tôi đôi khi vẫn ước gì mình có thể đưa tay lên và xoá đi những khoảng đen của nó…để tất cả được vẹn toàn, và tinh nguyên…

Tôi dành ngày cuối tuần xem một bộ phim, giới thiệu bởi một người học trò tôi kèm tiếng Pháp. Câu chuyện nói về hai người yêu nhau, một cách tình cờ, lạ lùng mà cũng rất đỗi bình thường, và đến khi tình yêu của họ trở nên nhạt nhoà, khi cả hai cảm thấy mệt mỏi và chán chường với mối quan hệ của mình, họ tìm cách xoá đi ký ức, và bước đi về hai hướng khác nhau. Vậy mà rồi họ lại yêu nhau một lần nữa…một lần nữa…những kí ức trở về trong vô thức. Và có lẽ con người phải sống như vậy, phải có trách nhiệm với quá khứ của mình, với những gì đã đi qua, với những lỗi lầm, với những hạnh phúc, những ước mơ, bởi từ chối nó cũng giống như từ chối bản thân mình, mặc dù có lẽ ở những quãng nào đó của cuộc đời, mình cũng không thực sự là mình…

Tôi hay thích đọc những câu chuyện buồn, những câu chuyện làm tôi phải khóc, phải chau mày, phải đắn đo, bởi nó làm chiều sâu nội tâm của con người như được khuấy động. Những lúc tôi cảm thấy lòng mình nặng trĩu, tôi lại càng muốn đọc hay nghe những gì làm mình phải khóc.Có lẽ như thế người ta sẽ thấy nhẹ lòng hơn chăng? Có đến khi nào người ta cảm thấy cảm xúc của mình chai sạm, hay nói đúng hơn là mệt mỏi, kiệt quệ, người ta sẽ không còn muốn phải khóc nữa. Vì vậy khi con tim mình vẫn còn biết đau, khi nước mắt vẫn lăn dài khi quá khư quay trở lại, người ta biết rằng mình vẫn còn đó phần người, rất mong manh, rất yếu đuối, rất dễ vỡ vụn, run rẩy. Nhưng nếu không có phần người đó, có lẽ người ta sẽ không bao giờ biết trân trọng những gì mình đã tìm lại được, trân trọng hạnh phúc và sự thánh thiện của tình yêu…

If I held in my hand…every grain of sand…since time first began to me—Still I could never count…Measure the amount…of all the things you are to me…

Cảm ơn anh…cảm ơn anh thật nhiều…vì tất cả những đau khổ cũng như yêu thương…

Vài dòng trong những ngày rối bời…

Paris recap

Paris 19 mai 2011 – South Hadley 3 septembre 2011

Those of you who know me would suppose that I wouldn’t leave Paris and my exchange semester untold, especially when you have constantly been notified by your facebook feeds of my status filled with emotions, excitement, and wildness. Alright I admit it, I am about to write a recap. But it’s a recap, as my other writing pieces, that will not tell you how awesome and perfect it was, because it wasn’t perfect. In fact, it was magically imperfect. It’s a recap that will not try to persuade you to come here because it’s the most beautifully inspiring city of the world, nor will it draw up a picture of fantasies you often see in those French movies. It is a recap, simple, amusing, loving, touching, a collection of shattered memories. And as I am writing this, faces, words, sentences, are all tangled up, making a marvelous mess

So bear with me, it might be a bit confusing, unclear, and random, and full of adjective-adverb combinations, but that is how this city is, that is how I spent my last 5 months in this country, ah non, in this collection of countries.

1. One thing I don’t do often but I find it rather dangerously enjoyable: walking back from Pont des Arts or some random bars with Sandra, tipsy, thinking of funny and stupid jokes those uniquely interesting friends of ours randomly made after a few cups of wine/cocktails. I would take off my heals, on bare feet, strolling along the Seine – because that is the fastest, safest and easiest way to get back home. The winds, the light, the reflection on the water, noise of cars passing, of bicycles’ bells, two girls, slender and beautiful, one Vietnamese, one Macedonian, full of love for life, and endless sharing on silly fight with their loved men. Those nights were filled with laugh, with whining, with profound reflection on how we should deal with stuff that was going on in our head. We didn’t usually come to any conclusions, you know, we don’t actually need conclusions all the time. – Because life strolls on, just as us two, among millions of others who were strolling on some avenues of Paris, of France, of Europe, of the world, under the still sleeping sky of a new day.

2. One thing I do most often but not before Paris: Friday/Saturday or sometimes Thursday nights, having 6 hair curling rolls on, no make up, wearing glasses, in baggy pants and my fiancé’s t-shirt (which rather looked like a dress on me), ran to Monoprix at the corner of Rue du Bac to buy a bottle of wine before the store’s 10pm curfew, because, according to the French etiquette, you are supposed to contribute something to the party. And voilà. It would be very amusing if someone captured a picture of me at that point: nerdy looking “yellow” girl (or pink as Stéphane called it) on her flip flop, getting French liquor, speaking French with heavy accent, and paying by Bank of America card.

3.One thing I hate about Paris: dog shit. Imagine you are walking along the beautiful coble stone pavement of the city of love, letting yourself be amazed by the gorgeous scenery and stunning pedestrians, admiring the blue clear sky enhancing the beauty of Paris’ buildings…and epps… I don’t even know how that sound is supposed to be like when you step on a bundle of soft, horribly smelly mess, sometimes yellow, sometimes brown, sometimes black…It ruined the whole walking experience. As one of my friends put it, there is no “picking up law” in this country! It forces you to keep your head down whenever walking on those little alleys and roads otherwise you would be in “deep shit”!

4. One adjective to describe Paris: drunk! I feel like I often got drunk with this city. Drunk in many senses. No matter how much you have heard about this city and see those pictures on millions of websites, if you have not been here, lived here, and befriended with these people from all around the world who cunningly acquire certain exquisite French style in the way they dress, talk and live, you can only imagine the tip of a huge iceberg. The light makes you dizzy, the architecture makes you overwhelmed, the magical merge between the nature and sculptures makes your jaw drop, the irresistible smell of the “boulangeries” every morning makes your stomach desire, and the cozy moments with your friends filled with French wine and endless conversations in imperfect French make you wonder how on earth you ended up being here.

5. One special thing about French street guys:  now this gets a little interesting. I find street guys in Paris (or Toulouse) incredibly charming and polite. The word “street guys” is referring to those who pass by you on the streets and try to flirt with you. Having been approached by “street guys” from three different continents, I conclude that I would prefer to be approached by a French/French-speaking street guy. French language has its own sophistication in the way you address people, and that makes the flirt very charming and respectful. “Mademoiselle, vous êtes vraiment belle” instead of “Hey babe you are hot” or “Em oi em dep the”. Not to discuss that it would be equally dangerous if you are fooled by the charm, but the “vous”, the “mademoiselle” carry a sense of dignity to a certain extent, so that when those street guys actually walk away, you just gently smile…

6. One tearful moment: Of course it has something to do with my fiancé. It was in Paris five years ago we first saw each other again after 2 years being separated. And it was in Paris again five years later; I was proposed, by the same man, with the same sincerity, same heart, and an incredibly beautiful soul. The proposal wasn’t as in dream, wasn’t as romantic in the conventional way. It was filled with tears. It was a sunny afternoon, but the sun wasn’t enough to warm up Jardin des Tuileries in the winter. Pedestrians were still bundled up in their big coats. I still cannot remember how it all happened, but I can never forget the moment: He dropped down on his knee, his voice was shaking. And I, sitting on the ground, with my head buried in my hands, weeping. He hugged my head, gently, pulling it to his chest, and said “Darling…it’s all over…I am still here…and can I be here for the rest of your life?”…That night, was the most marvelous night of Paris. We were silent the whole way home, on the metro, along the Seine, and we sat down by the window in our little room under the roof, looking at Eiffel Tower. And for the rarest moment in all of our time together, he touched my shoulder, and kissed it with a drop of tears…

7. One song that reminds me of Paris: I owe Thanh An a thank you, for her song “All about your heart” of Mindy Gledhill has become my song of Paris. Even though it has nothing to do with Paris, but I listened to it almost every corner of Paris I have been to. When I wrote the first note about Paris, it was this song that brought me the most serene feeling. Still lying on my bed, with clothes and books all over the place, shoes and bags were on the floor, I opened my eyes in a tiny room…in a middle of Paris, looking at the open window above my head, and smiled. I usually walked along the street to school, passing by little shops on Rue de Verneuil et Rue de l’Université, listening to this song. The small windows decorated with a slight touch of flowers, the wooden doors carved with beautiful handwriting of the shop owners, the smell of morning coffee, of morning vegetables delivered to the grocery store across the street, all was enhanced by the melody of this song. “You, I love you from the start, in every single way, and more each passing day. You…are brighter than the star, believe me when I say, it’s not about your scar, it’s all about your heart…” And I do love Paris in every single way, and more each passing day, love its noise, its filthiness, its stupidity, its insanity, its irresistible beauty, its charm, its loneliness, its “belovedness”, its creation, its food, its drink, its bars, its bridges, its alleys, its boutiques, its ice cream….and especially its people.

8. One best party of the year: Viva Koninginnedag!  The atmosphere of Amsterdam one chilly day in April is still so crystal clear. The noise, the orange color, the people, the winds, the music…It was probably the craziest and “the most student-life” party during my whole time living abroad. Almost 20 hours on the streets of this wild city, walking and drinking until my shoes were worn out, dancing until my feet were numb, I had the most memorable time of my college life. The whole city was celebrating the Queen’s birthday. People from all around Europe flew here for this unique experience. Bernardo, Thomas, Maude and I arrived in Amsterdam at about 4am in the morning, the restroom wasn’t even open. My dear Dutch friend Elko was kind enough to walk all the way from his friend’s home to pick us up and show us around his city. Amsterdam in early morning was just as peaceful as I had imagined. But you would start to see the sign of excitement in the way each house was decorated, or the street market began to gather the crowd, both buyers and sellers. It was the single time of the year Amsterdam hosted this kind of market. Orange – the symbolic color of the party – filled the whole atmosphere. At around 9:00am, people started getting out to the streets. Young crowd started to drink at some bars in the city’s center. Bernardo and Elko were in turn carrying the super heavy backpack…We sat down by the river, chatting, drinking, talking about nonsensical stuff, about our future, our reunion in the US, our Sciences Po, etc. The boats carrying crazy drinking crowds passed by us first once in a while, then consecutively. People sang, danced and shouted out their excitement to share it among others. Around 12:00am, every corner of Amsterdam turned into a crazy music party. Stages were set up, different music were played at different parts of the town. All wore orange, merging into the crowd, indulging in the exciting music. The music turned your nerves on, the crowd prompted your legs…and before you even knew it, you started to dance, dance and dance…. I can never forget those moments, when I walked along the dirty streets of Amsterdam, my feet were almost numb, but the music was still on, the people were still swinging…It was just so full, full of light, full of noise, full of food, full of trash, full of people, full of friendship, full of exhaustion, and full of excitement.

9. One best thing Sciences Po gave me: surprisingly, not the knowledge even though this institute is known for its rigorous academic quality. But the friends. How could you possible not love the people here when they would text you and sincerely try to drag you out of your bed to their lovely gatherings, they would walk with you from Pont Alexandre III all the way back to Sciences Po, filling you up with endless conversation and their charming French, they would protect you from creepy guys during parties by having their big arms blocking those attempt, they would make your days full by spontaneous picnic in Jardin du Luxembourg, Les Invalides, Champ de Mars, etc, they would lighten your morning with 9:00am coffee on one of the most touristy boulevards of Paris, they would host a farewell party for you with delicious cooking from their home country, and they would remain in your mind for a very long time just by their lovely funny text messages and casual precious moments.

10. And maybe it’s long enough to end the journal here. As I said, you can only imagine a tip of a huge iceberg if you read my note. Because real life has to be experienced, seen, touched, and felt. Sail away from your safe harbor and you will see that this life is far more intriguing, you learn to love yourself, to treasure everything that comes to your life, to twist the normalcy, to taste the novelty, and to fall in love with the simplicity.

For my friends in Paris, I miss you…

The cutest things of Paris

I was inspired to write this little note after a fun night with my amazing friends in Paris, and after realizing that I only have about five weeks left in this country. It started off with a nice, cosy dinner next to Champs de Mars, followed by a great party (not because of the music but because I was with a good gang) in Montreuil where thousands of Sciences Po students from Paris, Lyon, Toulouse,etc roared with the music and indulged in colorful spirit of this great “Harvard of France” institute.

I have been in Paris for a legit two months. Initially being put off by the horrible inefficient French bureaucracy and struggling with my limited French to get through class without looking like a dummy, I now love this city more than ever. But in a very different way. So after two months, these are some cutest things of the city of love – not Eiffel Tower, not Champs Elysée, not Montmattre, not touristy Paris where around 27~30 million people from around the world fly over to just say “I was in Paris”

1. I love each morning, I pass through a small flower store on Rue du Bac to school, being greeted by the vivid color of the tulips, roses, chrysanthemum, and lovely smiles of the storekeepers – a Korean-French couple at their early 30s, regardless of the greyish look of Paris in winter. “Bonjour Mademoiselle, vous voudriez des fleurs pour une bonne journée?”

2. I love each Friday, there is usually a garbage truck parked in front of my house to clean the street and pick up the “products-of-people-after-party”. I would go back from school at around 7pm, and there is this young man working to bring the decency to this little neighbourhood, he would wait until I pass by him, and turn me back with his gentle French “Bonsoir Mademoiselle…Mademoiselle…” And when I looked back, he put on the biggest smile, the dark color of his skin, in some way, brightened up that smile. My Friday night would begin with the exchange of smiles of the two strangers in this 2-million-resident city.

3. I love days when Paris was full of winds and my heart was filled with tears. I would drop my heavy backpack at home, and wander along the Seine River, with Musée d’Orsay on my right hand side, and the Louvre across the river and in my headphone the melody of “Pour la vie”, cry out all of the worries, burden, troubles and let myself be fondled by the cold winds of Paris and random love conversations of the passers-by.

4. I love early breakfast and night coffee with Greg – my “Torontonian” friend. He would fill me up with his funniest jokes, unusual “rencontre” and our endless exchanges on liife, work, love, girls, guys, family,etc were always among the inspiring parts of my days. Our eating and drinking has ranged from the most expensive French breakfast on Saint Germain, the somewhat ok Italian dinner next to Mabillon metro, to a decent Indian vegetarian meal in Gare du Nord, the longest awaited Japanese buffet in La Défense, and…of course Starbucks.

5. I love receiving random texts from Stéphane – my French buddy at Sciences Po, and text him randomly whenever I need someone to just show my excitement, embarassment, confusion, “présicion”, or spontaneous jokes with my grammatically incorrect and deficient French vocab. I love our “mock interview” coffee where he would speak English with his adorable French accent and crack me up with the way he says “because”. Our gatherings have been the highlight of my Paris experience.

6. I love each Monday, I would wake up and go to the 10am grand conference class, sitting between Bernardo and Elko, and start facebook chat with them half way through the boring and monotonous lecture. I love when I imagine if someone sitting behind us looked at our latop’s screen, they would see the journal in three different languages from left to right: Dutch, Vietnamese, and Spanish.

7. I love the street singers and musicians in Paris metro. They would play and sing, amid the flow of Parisians of which some wouldn’t even recognize the presence of the music, some would turn their head for a second and continue on their journey, some would put on headphone to pretend they are not listening, some would smile gently and put in the little bag of the musician 10, 20 centimes to pay for a nice short break from their hectic life. And some (like me) would start wondering at the end of the day, those not-yet-capture-the-chance performers would take the last train back to their home outside of Paris, and start counting whether their music is worth three baguettes, a dozen of eggs or a bottle of wine and cheese…

8. I love the pleasure of journey to ice cream place introduced by Sandra. I would starve myself the whole day, just to enjoy the walk to Amorino in Saint Michel for a nice big cone filled with a colorful rose made from different ice-cream flavours weaving into each other. I love looking at the way they arrange each scoop of ice-cream and treat each product as the art of building a small ice-cream tower.

9. I love getting a drink with Jaime, Stéphane and Fabian, on random nights, on random occasions. I love listening to their exchanges, catching some part of the conversations, sometimes I understand, sometimes I don’t but still pretend to understand. I love discovering their different ways of expressing a laugh through text messages. Jaime would write”Jeje” instead of haha (in Spanish “j” pronounced like “kh” in Vietnamese and “k” in English), Stéphane would write “ahaha” instead of just haha (I still don’t know how to explain. “h” in French is mute, that is maybe why), and I, very americanly, would write “LOL”

10. And I love now writting this note, looking at top of Eiffel tower from my windows, after a tipsy night, surrounded by papers and books for the next exposés and dissertations. I feel blessed, for the love, for the support, for the knowledge, for the inspiration, and simply, for being where I am…

Je t’aime…

Paris le 26 mars 2011, 15 Celcius dégres, plein de soleil, et plein d’amour   

My first few days in Paris

Okay…So I’ve been in the city of my dream for about a week, and one word can summarize it all: “Ouf”

My journey began in a perfect way, with a nice trip home, visiting my family, friends and falling in love again. I packed my luggage while humbling “La vie en rose” as if I wasn’t able to control my excitement when thinking of how my life in Paris would be. You know, people say, “Wow, you are going to Paris, that’s awesome!” Yeah…it was really awesome to imagine. And it’s still awesome now, but just in a different way.

One week of living here, I feel like I have learned many more things about this city than about my area in the States even though I’ve lived there for almost 4 years. My campus blends into a very nice part of the 7th arrondissement. It is in the heart of Paris’ academic center. “Campus” is rather a luxurious word for this school since there is no decent campus as in the dictionary of American university system. Imagine New York University. It is sort of like that where buildings are located in different streets, among residential houses, shops, bars and especially boulangeries (bakery shops). One can not deny that Sciences Po is among the top institutions in this country where many French and world leading politicians are born out of (and guess what, one of our emperors used to study here too: Bao Dai) (see this). Yet its architecture is rather not that ravishing. It is no where comparable to Mount Holyoke, Amherst or Smith. Or maybe because it is surrounded by the marvelous atmosphere of Paris and people set a higher standard for Sciences Po’s architecture simply to match the greatness of other castles and museums. Well, at least at Mount Holyoke, one has nothing to compare so the school’s campus is beautiful on its own. And sometimes people get to be proud when they see the ugly buildings of UMass Amherst or the sporadic arrangement of Hampshire College. Back to Sciences Po, my first impression is that this school, storing inside a remarkable intellectual universe of the world, is wrapped up in a very mediocre look.

Library – the first place I would visit in any school – is definitely interesting. Contrary to what I expected to see, the three main libraries are fairly small. Unlike Harvard’s or Yale’s library where you will be overwhelmed by the grandeur and the number of books displayed, as well as the computers, the media services. Sciences Po’s library – calling itself ” the top library in Europe” – comparing itself as “Harvard Kennedy School of France” – has a very modest sized display of collections. But guess what, besides the “accès direct” which you can borrow automatically, Sciences Po has more than hundreds thousands of books hidden somewhere else which you can only borrow through the circulation desk. It’s Paris! The space is always a headaching problem, they said.

My first day in Paris was miserable. My big bag, which carried approx. 23 kg, was broken. I was dragging that bag on the left, holding the handle of another smaller bag on the right, on my back is another 7kg back-pack, through the spendid hallway of Charles de Gaulle Airport to get to the metro station. It is usually not that far but that day it seemed endless. I understood completely nothing people said to each other. I freaked out. I was alone, had absolutely no ideas of how to get to the house of my American mom’s friend (except for the metro info) and it was 6:00am. Paris was still sleeping at that time, with only a few early risers traveling to work from outside the city. I got off the metro station after lifting those three bags up three flights of stairs (at one point I was fortunate to have one guy help with the freaking bigger broken bag), the rest – c’mon, you are an independent strong woman coming from the first prestigious women college in the United States, you can handle this! And yes when I finally got to the house, it was without elevator, I swear that I’ve never hated spiral stairs that much in my life. I was shaking because the only thing I had in my stomach for the previous 12 hours was a cup of coffee and a piece of bread, and also because the only pair of boots I brought was the fancy biege heels – biggest mistake! Well at least the lady that hosted me fed me with some more slices of bread and showed me my cute little room – up one more floor. This place is really homey, and I was hoping to find an place like this for the rest of my stay in Paris. So the housing journey begins that day, at 12:00pm.

I called up Stephanie – my boyfriend’s best friend – at around 10am. “An, notre rendez-vous est à après-midi aujourd’hui. Ca t’irais?” Okay sure, 12:00pm on Rue Dauphine. I was very excited, hoping that I will be able to settle down after this visit. The streets looked nice, the neighborhood was lovely, many shops and restaurants, very close to the metro. Perfect. Wrong, wrong and wrong. Stephanie, on greeting me at the door, was not looking very happy. “How is it” – I asked in my awkward French accent. “We’ll see…Bas…on va voir”. And yes, I figured out why she was not very sure. The room was maybe 8 to 8.5 square meters (INCLUDING bathroom and kitchen) – which was even considered illegal to put up on the renting market. There are two toilets on the floor of around 10 other rooms, which as I imagined, I would need to share the place to clean my stomach with at least 5 other people. The rent was 550e/month (without internet), so calculating the cost of internet, landlines, transport, that woud add up to around 650e/month. Not too attractive.

[to be continued]

Miami (day 1)

I have to confess that my mind is still Miami, running wild along the windy South Beach with an inspiring group of friends, and feeling my heart filled with inspiration and humbleness. Three days in Miami attending the Clinton Global Initiative University Meeting was more than a beautiful memory. It was full of energy, of laughter, of sharing and of love. Never have I felt so proud to be a part of this dynamic gathering in which each individual carries with him or her a dear project and endeavors to realize it with true passion and kind heart.

The Clinton Global Initiative University Conference is a part of the Clinton Foundation Initiatives aiming to tackle global challenges that are threatening billions of people around the world. This year, with five focuses in Poverty Alleviation, Education, Global Health, Environment, Peace and Human Rights, the conference brought together around 1300 students and professionals across the globe to discuss, connect and contribute to turning big ideas into action.

I think that might be enough for the formal introduction to what I was doing in Miami. I hate labeling things, saying something extremely fancy without any emotions and personal take. What I was taking from that conference goes way beyond its prestigious reputation. It was quite an adventure, not long, but enough to warm my heart with respect and encouragement.

Day 1 (Friday April 16th, 2010)

Before this day 1 stretched probably days of excitement, frustration, anxiety, happiness, encouragement and exhaustion. I found out about CGI U in February. It was not that hard for me to write up a proposal to apply for a spot since I have been thinking and working with the project for quite a while. The day I got the acceptance letter from Clinton Foundation, I was thrilled, thinking of a nice trip away from this wicked weather and boring neighborhood. A few days following the acceptance letter, I got another email announcing that my project, which is to establish a micro-loan program for 37 families with disabled children affected by Agent Orange, would be featured on stage in the session of Poverty Alleviation. I was over the moon upon receiving this email. To be frank, I was thrilled not because I would be presented in front of a large crowd nor because I would bring back a fancy title of “Featured Commitment”, but because it gave me some hope in a higher chance of sponsorship. I like publicity. I admit that! If I could appear on TV, on newspaper to talk about my project, I would do that without a second thought, for those will generate partnership, interest and support. And these are critical elements in every humanitarian project.

So I was waiting for the day to come. One night, while my boyfriend and I were working on the budget distribution in order to apply for funding from Clinton Foundation, another email from the organizing committee arrived saying that I would have a booth to present my project at the Commitment Exchange Lunch. Nice! But it would be fantastic if that email didn’t arrive just three days before I took off to Miami. It was frustrating, writing a paper, drowning in reading assignments, designing brochure and poster, writing to several departments on campus to ask for funding, rush printing, chasing the bus to Amherst to buy a card board, packing stuff and overnight shipping! Surprisingly, these three hectic days made me feel blessed. I got help from so many people around me. My boss in the department of Politics, with her broken knee, walked with me all the way from her office to the library (it’s short but not when you have serious trouble moving) to make sure that I could print the brochures without trouble. The President of Mount Holyoke College, was not even hesitant to offer an extra $150 to cover the printing cost (and she already gave me more than $500 for my airfare). My host mother, my former teacher at Brentwood, my former donor from Rotary Club Santa Monica, Weissman Center for Leadership, within 24 hours after my email asking for help, responded with : ” Congratulations and yes I will help you!” Without them, I would not have been there, ready and excited.

I got to Bradley airport at around 9:00am on Friday, catching the flight at 10:00am. The flight was smooth until I arrived in Miami. The opening plenary was supposed to start at 5:00pm. My flight arrived at 4:00pm. It took literally two hours to get to the hotel, which was said to be 30 minutes away from the airport. Understandably, it was during rush hours and you would expect to see giant lines of cars crawling into town. Miami scenery was not that impressive, to be honest. The city is a bit dull if you drive from the airport. Houses on two sides of the road are somewhat similar to those in the Mediterranean countries: colorful, small, flowery and garden-loving. I don’t usually make generalization, but I have to say that people here seem to be very happy. I talked to the bus driver, the taxi driver, the students at University of Miami, the chefs and the waiters at our dinner reception, all of them talked about their daily lives with bright smile and obvious satisfaction.

The conference took place at University of Miami. It was very well organized from the beginning, evidently because it was initiated by former President Bill Clinton – one of the most favorable and respectful presidents in the United States. For Vietnam in particular, it was during his presidency that the two countries normalized their relation, ending the period of economic sanction that hampered Vietnamese economy for many years.

(to be continued)

[BGPolio2]
Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation

Bill Gates traveled to Africa last year to press for polio’s defeat.

Bill Gates walked into the World Health Organization’s headquarters in Geneva—for a meeting in an underground chamber where global pandemics are managed—and was greeted by bad news. Polio was spreading across Africa, even after he gave $700 million to try to wipe out the disease.

That outbreak raged last summer, and this week a new outbreak hit Tajikistan, which hadn’t seen polio for 19 years. The spread threatens one of the most ambitious health campaigns in the world, the effort to destroy the crippling disease once and for all. It also marks a setback for the Microsoft Corp. co-founder’s new career as full-time philanthropist.

Next week, the organizations behind the polio fight, including WHO, Unicef, Rotary International and U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, plan to announce a major revamp of their strategy to address shortcomings exposed by the outbreaks.

Nigeria is ground zero for the reemergence of polio. Now the country is making surprising headway against the crippling disease, in part thanks to an unlikely meeting of two leaders: Microsoft mogul Bill Gates, and the Sultan of Sokoto, the spiritual leader of Nigeria’s 70 million Muslims. WSJ’s Rob Guth reports.

Polio is a centerpiece of Mr. Gates’s charitable giving. Last year the billionaire traveled to Africa, one of the main battlegrounds against the disease, to confer with doctors, aid workers and a sultan to propel the polio-eradication effort.

“There’s no way to sugarcoat the last 12 months,” Bruce Aylward, a WHO official, told Mr. Gates in the meeting in the underground pandemic center last June. He described how the virus was rippling through countries believed to have stopped the disease.

Mr. Gates asked: “So, what do we do next?”

That question goes to the heart of one of the most controversial debates in global health: Is humanity better served by waging wars on individual diseases, like polio? Or is it better to pursue a broader set of health goals simultaneously—improving hygiene, expanding immunizations, providing clean drinking water—that don’t eliminate any one disease, but might improve the overall health of people in developing countries?

The new plan integrates both approaches. It’s an acknowledgment, bred by last summer’s outbreak, that disease-specific wars can succeed only if they also strengthen the overall health system in poor countries.

Fighting Polio in Nigeria

If successful, the recalibrated campaign could shape global health strategy for decades and boost fights against other diseases. A failure could rank the effort as one of the most expensive miscalculations in mankind’s long war with disease. Already, polio has evaded a two-decade-long, $8.2 billion effort to kill it off.

Big donors have long preferred fighting individual diseases, known as a “vertical” strategy. The goal is to repeat 1979′s victory over smallpox, the only disease ever to be eradicated. By contrast, the broader, “horizontal” strategy has less well-defined goals and might not move the needle of global health statistics for years.

The polio fight is a lesson for Mr. Gates’s foundation, which is funding other vaccines that could face similar setbacks. In the polio fight, his foundation backed a program that was following an outdated playbook. Polio’s resurgence last year forced a major rewrite.

The shift on polio was informed by Mr. Gates’s trip last year to Nigeria, a nation with a history of exporting the virus to other countries. Mr. Gates was accompanied by a Wall Street Journal reporter.

Mr. Gates has forged himself as a global-health diplomat following his 2008 retirement from Microsoft. He is using his star power and $34 billion philanthropy to try to push businesses, health groups and governments to improve health in developing countries.

In the Nigerian city of Sokoto, the dusty center of a once vast Islamic empire, Mr. Gates drove to a palace, walked past a row of trumpeters and found himself looking up at a man on a throne wearing a flowing robe and turban—the Sultan of Sokoto, spiritual leader of Nigeria’s 70 million Muslims.

Just as Mr. Gates introduced himself to the sultan, the lights flickered out.

“I want to welcome you to the real world—to the real third world,” the sultan said to Mr. Gates from his gilded chair in the darkened room.

Men like the sultan are important allies. In 2003, Islamic leaders in northern Nigeria spread rumors that polio vaccines sterilized Muslim girls. Leaders halted vaccinations, allowing the virus to spread. The WHO said the virus eventually infected 20 countries.

By the start of last year, Nigeria was home to half of the world’s 1,600 polio cases. The sultan could help get the campaign back on track.

Speaking to Mr. Gates and a room of religious leaders, the sultan declared his support for the polio fight. “We want to show you our commitment,” he said. “The time you have taken to come here will not be in vain.”

But he, too, questioned the wisdom of targeting one disease. “Other health issues should be looked into,” the sultan said, “instead of just facing one direction with polio eradication.” He ticked off tuberculosis, HIV and AIDS, malaria, cholera and a parasitic infection known as “snail fever.”

After the global victory over smallpox 30 years ago, a rush of energy went into similar “vertical” attacks on single diseases. The polio program followed that approach and made great gains. Led by WHO and donors such as Rotary, the campaigns by the year 2000 slashed the world’s polio cases to under 1,000 from 350,000 in 1988. Polio fighters planned to eradicate the disease by 2000.

That date came and went. But polio persisted, eating up billions of dollars.

Critics argued for a shift away from killing polio to free up money for controlling multiple diseases. In some countries, polio campaigns became an example of a functioning vaccination system even as other diseases were missed. Mr. Gates saw that himself in Nigeria.

Arriving at a Sokoto health clinic in a Toyota minivan stocked with Diet Coke, Mr. Gates stepped inside and was soon leaning on a wooden desk, flipping through children’s vaccine records. “Do you know if this child had the first dose of DPT?” he asked, pointing to a record of a diphtheria vaccination of a boy who appeared to have missed a treatment. A health worker beside him didn’t have an answer.

The clinic also had no hepatitis B and yellow fever vaccines, the workers said, because the government’s system for supplying medicine wasn’t working.

By contrast, in front of the clinic, a polio campaign was in full swing. Health workers tended coolers filled with vials of vaccine for children gathered there.

At a meeting the next day in the capital, Abuja, Nigeria’s head of primary health care, Dr. Muhammad Ali Pate, reopened the vertical-vs.-horizontal debate. Even if Nigeria lowers polio cases, he said, the gains “can’t hold” without a broader health-care system, he said.

Mr. Gates listened, seated behind a name tag that read “Our Guest.” Dr. Pate showed a slide of a cartoon steam-engine train with cars labeled “Education” and “Disease Control.” Polio should be just one car in that train, he said.

Mr. Gates didn’t disagree—certainly Nigeria needs a functioning health system, he said in interviews. But it was a matter of priorities, he said. With the world so close to killing polio, countries like Nigeria should make eradication a top priority, he said. Victory would free up millions of dollars to pay for broader health improvements.

“So the benefit of finishing is huge,” he said.

On the plane, Mr. Gates strategized about what else would help win the fight, balking at one religious leader’s suggestion: forced vaccinations. “Strap ‘em, down, I say! Let’s make it illegal” to not take the vaccine, Mr. Gates joked. Then he got serious again, citing failed attempts in the U.S. to enforce compulsory vaccinations.

In many respects, Mr. Gates remains a tech geek at heart. Aboard his plane, he expounded on an array of scientific topics: From developments in genotyping, to research showing that Bangladesh’s high disease-immunity rates are due to “oral-fecal” transmission (when people ingest vaccines from contaminated water).

In Nigeria, Mr. Gates scored a diplomatic triumph. He won commitments from the sultan, and from Nigeria’s governors, to take a more active role in polio vaccinations. “We really stand at the threshold of global health success on polio,” he told the assembled governors at the close of the trip.

However, just three days later, a new front opened 2,000 miles away in Uganda. There, a woman walked into a hospital to say her son couldn’t move his left leg. It was Uganda’s first polio case in 12 years.

Cases also popped up in Mali, Togo and Ghana and Cote d’Ivore, which hadn’t reported polio for four years. A girl in Kenya became that country’s first polio case since 2006.

Polio, which spreads through water contaminated by human feces, paralyzes just one person for every 200 infected. Discovering just a few cases could mean that thousands have been infected. That demands massive vaccination campaigns.

On Feb. 28, 2009, Mr. Aylward, the WHO official, was grocery shopping in Geneva with his wife and son when he got an urgent email about the Uganda case. For 30 minutes, Mr. Aylward stood next to a spinach display, working his phone and setting in motion a plan that 10 days later vaccinated 48,000 children in Uganda.

Costly emergency responses like this became increasingly common last year. The Gates Foundation had set $47 million aside for emergencies, Mr. Aylward said. By early June, the money was running down.

That month, Mr. Gates flew to Geneva for the meeting in the WHO’s underground room.

Mr. Aylward came with good news to offset the bad news about polio’s resurgence, he recalled later. After describing the outbreaks, he shifted to Nigeria’s progress against polio and described positive results from a trial of a new vaccine.

But those positives didn’t offset the risks of polio’s revival, say several attendees of a follow-up meeting. “It was becoming evident that the virus almost knew no bounds,” said Dr. Steve Cochi, senior adviser at Centers for Disease Control. “It kind of confirmed some of our worst fears.”

A month later in Seattle, Gates Foundation officials paused at a PowerPoint presentation showing the foundation’s polio grants were approaching $1 billion. It was a staggering amount for a program that appeared to be stalling. “We can’t go to Tachi and Bill and ask for more money,” without reviewing the program, one person said, referring to Mr. Gates and Tachi Yamada, a top foundation official, according to an attendee.

In August, experts commissioned by the WHO landed in Angola, Pakistan, Afghanistan, India and Nigeria to evaluate the polio program. In Africa, a team found that once polio had been ended in some countries, weak health-care systems let it return. In northern India, bad sanitation, malnutrition and other intestinal issues are believed to hurt the oral polio vaccine’s effectiveness.

These findings echoed the message to Mr. Gates in Nigeria, and marked a turning point among the Gates Foundation and other backers of the polio fight in the debate over whether the strictly “vertical” polio strategy could succeed.

In October, the Gates Foundation summoned backers of the program, including Unicef, CDC and Rotary, to its Seattle headquarters for a major rethink. Two weeks later it called in independent experts for help. The outcome of those meetings will be reflected in the revamped plan coming next week. Polio backers say they are buoyed by reports of just 71 polio cases worldwide this year, vs. 328 in the year-earlier period.

If approved in May by member nations of the WHO, the new strategy will set ambitious goals for getting close to eradicating polio by the end of 2012. The plan bolsters the core “vertical” approach of polio program but also adds a “horizontal” strategy, including training for health workers on topics such as hygiene and sanitation.

Nigeria will be a key testing ground. The country has made strong progress against the disease since Mr. Gates’s visit. But stopping polio there, and in at least one of the three other countries where it’s deeply rooted, will be the main challenge in the next three years, Mr. Aylward says. Failure to achieve that goal will raise questions over whether the program continues, he says.

A big hurdle is money. The polio program is $1.4 billion short of the $2.6 billion it needs over next three years. The Gates Foundation will continue its polio grants, but says it can’t make up the shortfall.

But funding is just one worry for Mr. Gates in his new career. He built his foundation on the promise of life-saving vaccines, reflecting his penchant toward finding technological solutions to problems. As polio shows, technology can be hampered by political, religious and societal obstacles in the countries where he’s spending his money. He’s still learning how to navigate through those forces.

In Nigeria last year, Mr. Gates sat on the lawn behind his hotel reflecting on that. Science can simplify the job, he said, but “the human piece is the ultimate test.”

Where hope is dying…

Siem Reap, 20th August, 2009 – I came back to Siem Reap on a heated day of August 2009. The streets were as busy as usual, full of children whose skin was burnt by being exposed to the sun almost eight hours a day. They would switch between their limited foreign languages, trying to draw your attention to the souvenirs of the country of Angkor.  Their bare feet, torn clothes and the loss of innocence received some concerned look from the tourists. No one, however, would know that these children were even more fortunate than hundreds of their peers living on Tonle Sap River. There lies the intersection of all social predicaments one could possibly imagine.

About 30 minutes from Siem Reap by car and 15 minutes more by boat did not seem a long enough trip to move away from the effects of this bustling tourist city. Yet a completely different world was opened as soon as I entered the Vietnamese floating village on the Great Lake of Tonle Sap River. The village made up by about 400 dilapidated boats covered carelessly by coconut leaves has been home to at least four generations of Vietnamese immigrants since 1945. Here lives the poorest ethnic community in Cambodia; here exists a miserable picture of illiteracy, prostitution, hunger and corruption. Nowhere else on earth could witness overseas Vietnamese facing this tragedy of “no”: no citizenship, no land, no money, no job and no education.

The sequence of these “no’s” seems to block the future of all children born into this cycle of poverty. Tuyen(*), the girl I met two years ago at a bar in Siem Reap, now has turned into a professional twelve-year-old child sex worker. She is the main laborer in her family, feeding an ailing mother with three younger siblings. Living on less than $1 a day, never having gone to school, holding no legal document of her identity, Tuyen never dares to dream of a change. “Other girls in this village have the same kind of life as mine. School? That is not even in our mind.”- Tuyen spoke to me in a monotonous tone. For Tuyen and nearly 1000 Vietnamese teenagers living in this area, this seems to be their unchangeable destiny.  According to the national center for HIV/AIDS control in Cambodia, Vietnamese teenagers make up about a quarter of Cambodia’s sex industry. There seems to be no solution to this painful reality. Across these families one can easily feel the burden of poverty. Almost all households depend on the exhausting fishing resources of Tonle Sap River, not to mention the rigorous competition with the local Cambodians. As a consequence of poor equipped aquaculture, they owed the so-called “mafia” huge debt. The incredibly high interest rate has tied them up in an endless contract. Their children were forced to work either as sex workers, beggars, thieves, or pavement sellers. Some effort has been made to put these children to primary school, but even so it doesn’t seem to solve much of the problem. The key to all of these miseries is citizenship. These Vietnamese immigrants have come to Cambodia seeking a new life. Yet they would never imagine the dilemma they are trapped in. Unable to go back to Vietnam because of the enlarging debt to the local mafias, they find themselves resented by the Khmers majority in Cambodia, which prevent them from obtaining Cambodian citizenship. Without any legal document, it is impossible for the children to get higher education. The cycle of poverty and degradation therefore is unlikely to cease.

Forgotten generations have been born into this corner of Tonle Sap River for the past six decades. Nevertheless there seems to be no sign of improvement or even attention to this unheard wailing. Government involvement is still out of consideration for all of the associated tribulations. As long as the question of citizenship remains unsettled, this almost invisible community will continue to bear generations in destitution and amorality.

(*): Her real name has been changed for privacy reason.


On my way to the floating village




Apocalypse still…

Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – Mourning haunts a small shanty ghetto at the end of a tiny, twisting treacherous street. A three-meter-square apartment is home to a family of six living on less than 1,500,000VND ($90) per month. The parents, who served in the Vietnamese Communist army (Viet Cong) during the Vietnam War, cannot bear to see their fourth child lying corpselike(immobile) on the bed. They seem to foresee the dark future awaiting their armless baby.

Their newborn daughter is among more than 500,000 disabled children born in Southern and Central Vietnam during the past 30 years. Tu Du, the largest maternity hospital in Ho Chi Minh City and the second largest in the nation, cares for nearly 100 abandoned children with congenital handicaps. Some of these children howl like animals. Some have no eye sockets. Some have frail limbs bent at odd angles. In a distant corner, a two-year-old plaintively moans because more fluid is collecting on his brain, which enlarges the head and causes his eyes to turn downward. This defect is shared by many children with myelomeningocele, the most severe type of spina bifida. As Dr. Nguyen Thi Ngoc Phuong, the former director of Tu Du Hospital, explains, children born with this disease experience complete blindness and critical brain damage.

The source of the birth defects has been debated for more than two decades. During the Vietnam War, the U.S. Army dropped more than 19 million gallons of herbicides, including nearly 12 million gallons of Agent Orange, on Vietnamese soil from 1962 to 1971. As one of the most toxic herbicides known to humankind, Agent Orange has been blamed for several perilous diseases, one of which is birth deformities. In June 2007, when a group of scientists, human rights advocates and lawyers from Vietnam and the United States filed a lawsuit demanding compensation for the victims, but the case was dismissed by a U.S. federal judge. One of the reasons for this decision was that the claimant lacked empirical evidence to prove the direct link between Agent Orange and congenital disabilities.

The controversy spans human rights issue as well as scientific debates. Many studies conducted by scientists in Vietnam, Canada, France, and the US show that Vietnamese veterans who served in the targeted areas called “hot spots” during the war are three to four times more likely to have deformed children than those who did not. Still, the prohibitive cost of tests needed to prove a connection makes it difficult for researchers to collect necessary data. According to Dr. Arnold Schecter, a researcher at University of Texas, School of Public Health, testing the blood dioxin level  of a family of four may cost as much as $4,000. Even more, a national assessment of Agent Orange in the soil and rivers requires approximately $2 billion. For a developing country like Vietnam with a limited budget, the cost is obviously a burden. Without conclusive evidence, a full package of compensation for victims is unlikely to be endorsed in the near future.

The current global financial crisis makes it even more cumbersome for non-governmental organizations in Vietnam to obtain funding for the affected children and for cleaning up the “hot spots.” In the meantime, residents in the sprayed areas are still using contaminated water and soil for their daily activities. No one can predict when the tragedy will end because the concentration of Agent Orange in many central provinces is still 100 times greater than allowable, according to Canada’s Department of Agriculture. For later generations in Vietnam, the war has not yet ended.

Source: BBC News

Whistle-blowing website Wikileaks has released a video which it claims shows the killing of civilians by the US military in Baghdad in 2007.

It is the latest in a long list of “leaks” published by the secretive site, which has established a reputation for publishing sensitive material from governments and other high-profile organisations.

In October 2009, for example, it posted a list of names and addresses of people it claimed belonged to the British National Party (BNP). The BNP said the list was “malicious forgery”.

During the 2008 US elections, it published screenshots of the e-mail inbox, pictures and address book of vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin.

Other controversial documents hosted on the site include a copy of the Standard Operating Procedures for Camp Delta, a document that detailed restrictions placed on prisoners at Guantanamo Bay.

Legal wrangles

It provoked controversy when it first appeared on the net in December 2006 and still splits opinion. For some it is lauded as the future of investigative journalism. For others it is a risk.

A plane hits one of the World Trade Center towers on 11 September  2001
Wikileaks published alleged pager messages sent during 9/11

In mid March 2010 the site’s director, Julian Assange, published a document purportedly from the US intelligence services, claiming that Wikileaks represented a “threat to the US Army”.

The US government later confirmed to the BBC that the documents were genuine.

“The unauthorised publication of Army and DoD sensitive documents on Wikileaks provides foreign intelligence services access to information that they may use to harm Army and DoD interests,” a spokesperson told BBC News.

The site now claims to host more than one million documents.

Anyone can submit to Wikileaks anonymously, but a team of reviewers – volunteers from the mainstream press, journalists and Wikileaks staff – decides what is published.

“We use advanced cryptographic techniques and legal techniques to protect sources,” Mr Assange told the BBC in February.

The site says that it accepts “classified, censored or otherwise restricted material of political, diplomatic or ethical significance” but does not take “rumour, opinion or other kinds of first hand reporting or material that is already publicly available”.

“We specialise in allowing whistleblowers and journalists who have been censored to get material out to the public,” said Mr Assange.

It is operated by an organisation known as the Sunshine Press and claims to be “funded by human rights campaigners, investigative journalists, technologists and the general public”.

Since it appeared on the net, it has faced various legal challenges to take it offline.

In 2008, for example, the Swiss Bank Julius Baer won a court ruling to block the site after Wikileaks posted “several hundred” documents about its offshore activities.

However, various “mirrors” of the site – hosted on different servers around the world – continued to operate.

The order was eventually overturned.

Future role

Wikileaks claims to have fought off more than “100 legal attacks” in its life, in part because of what is described as its “bulletproof hosting”.

The site is primarily hosted by Swedish ISP PeRiQuito (PRQ), which became famous for hosting file-sharing website The Pirate Bay.

“If it is legal in Sweden, we will host it, and will keep it up regardless of any pressure to take it down,” the ISP’s site says.

Wikileaks provoked the dream of Iceland becoming a haven for whistle-blowing

The site also hosts documents in other jurisdictions, including Belgium.

Its experience of different laws around the world meant that it was drafted to help Icelandic MPs draw up plans for its Icelandic Modern Media Initiative (IMMI).

The plan calls on the country’s government to adopt laws protecting journalists and their sources.

“[To] keep our sources safe, we have had to spread assets, encrypt everything, and move telecommunications and people around the world to activate protective laws in different national jurisdictions,” Mr Assange said at the time.

“We’ve become good at it, and never lost a case, or a source, but we can’t expect everyone to go through the extraordinary efforts that we do.”

Despite its notoriety, the site has faced financial problems. In February, it suspended operations as it could not afford its own running costs.

Donations from individuals and organisations saved the site.

Mr Assange told the BBC that the site had recently gone through “enormous growth” and had received an “extraordinary amount of material”.

“It exceeds our ability to get it out to [the] public at the moment,” he said in February.

As a result, he said, the site was changing and hoped to set up a number of “independent chapters around the world” as well as to act as a middle-man between sources and newspapers.

“We take care of the source and act as a neutral intermediary and then we also take care of the publication of the material whilst the journalist that has been communicated with takes care of the verification.”

“It provides a natural…connection between a journalist and a source with us in the middle performing the function that we perform best.”

Paris

[composed 28 months ago...]

Tối thứ sáu, viết xong hai bài essays là đã gần 1h sáng. Tự nhiên thấy trong lòng nhẹ nhàng đến lạ… Những mệt nhọc và chán chường của ngày thường như tan biến vào trong không khí đêm lõang sương và thoang thỏang hơi lành của đất. Tôi bỗng nhớ Paris da diết… Một hè đấy kỉ niệm, ngọt ngào và lãng mạn như một giấc mơ…

Paris ngày hè không nắng, không nóng ngột ngạt như được dự báo, mà trái lại lạnh dịu dàng, mát trong cái khí trời se sẽ những con gió chớm. Những cơn mưa thỉnh thỏang đến trong đêm, tạt vào ô cửa sổ bị bỏ quên. Paris đẹp lạ lùng ngày mưa như thế. Tôi vẫn còn nhớ như in cái cảm giác nắm tay anh đi dạo dọc bờ sông Seine trong làn mưa nhè nhẹ, đủ để vương trên tóc tôi những giọt tròn trịa trong suốt như pha lê. Chiếc bánh crepe chocolate nóng hổi như sưởi ấm lòng người ngày mưa lạnh, để tôi rúc vào anh và cảm nhận được hương vị tình yêu đang ngập tràn. Chiều về trên sông Seine đẹp dịu kì. Bầu trời như được vẽ bằng những gam màu pha một cách điêu luyện của người nghệ sĩ tài hoa. Những mảng trời tim tím, thấp thóang ánh nắng chiều vàng nhạt. Dường như không khí làm cho con người Paris cũng trầm mặc, lặng lẽ dẫu rằng Paris không thiếu những mảng phố hoa lệ và náo nhiệt không thua gì New York. Chiếc cầu xinh xinh bắc ngang dòng sông, một người lẻ loi đứng quay ngược mình với ánh sáng sót của ngày, sông Seine êm đềm chảy bên dưới, dãy nhà cổ kính lặng lẽ soi mình xuống làn nước trong vắt…Một bức tranh tuyệt đẹp… Người ta đến Paris không phải chỉ bị cuốn hút bởi những tòa nhà lộng lẫy sang trọng, hay bởi lịch sử kiêu kì và đầy biến động về tất cả mọi mặt từ nghệ thuật đến khoa học. Người ta đến Paris để có những khỏanh khắc rất riêng như thế này đây… Cái khỏanh khắc mà con người lắng mình lại giữa dòng chảy hối hả của cuộc sống, giữa những hỗn tạp của chính trị, của xã hội. Cái khỏanh khắc mà con người ngối tựa bên cửa số nhìn xa xăm một Paris tĩnh lặng, nghe tiếng còi tàu rơi thõm vào trong không gian. Hay cái khỏanh khắc mà những người xa xứ nhâm nhi cốc cà fê nghi ngút khói bên quán Việt trong dãy phố xinh xinh lát những viên gạch cũ kĩ. Paris đi vào lòng người có lẽ bởi vì thế….

Paris lạ, đến cả cái cảm giác đi tàu điện ngầm cũng lạ, lạ ở chỗ người ta đi giữa dòng người vội vã, lạnh lùng mà vẫn cảm thấy lòng mình thênh thang, nhẹ tênh. À hay là chỉ có mình tôi là có cái cảm giác đó nhỉ? Vì tôi có một ngày trọn vẹn của riêng mình chăng, không lo lằng, không suy nghĩ, không vướng bận chăng? Đi dạo trên đại lộ Champs-Elysées, nghe câu anh nói mà thấy xót xa lòng :” Có những ngày không biết làm gì, anh thường ra đây ngồi ngắm người ta đi dạo, thấy cô đơn trống trải đến lạ thường…”, hai năm rồi anh đã sống lẻ loi thế này chăng, hai năm rồi anh đã đi về một mình những con phố Paris lãng mạn thế này chăng, có bao lần anh đã cố bước thật nhanh chỉ mong về nhà chờ một cuộc điện thọai phương xa, có bao lần anh đã tai đeo headphone ngồi trên tàu điện ngầm mà thèm một bờ vai để nghiêng đầu chợp mắt hả anh? Thương anh mà tôi bỗng chợt òa khóc khi mắt anh long lanh niềm hạnh phúc không giấu giếm khi được bên tôi những chiều Paris lạnh lẽo….

Đèn Paris hoa lệ chiếu sáng rực cả một vùng trời tối thẵm, trên quảng trường nơi Eiffel Tower là hàng trăm con người đã chở đợi từ bao giờ chỉ đế chụp được một tấm ảnh của loạt đèn cách nhau 15′ một lần của tháp. Tôi chạy theo anh lên tầng lầu của tòa lâu đài đối diện với tháp, hơi chóng mặt trong không khí đặc quánh hơi người, anh vội ôm chặt tôi vào lòng, nhẹ nhàng ” Có sao không em?”, cảm giác mình thật an tòan…

Nhớ Paris, nhớ đến tha thiết cái run khẽ khàng khi bước nhanh trên con đường khuya vắng bóng người, nhớ cảm giác nhắm mắt để gió tung rối mái tóc trên đỉnh tháp Eiffel, nhớ gương mặt anh áp vào má tôi lặng nghe tiếng đàn violin trên đồi Montmartre, nhớ bức tranh chân dung phác họa tài tình của những người vẽ dạo trên dãy phố cổ kính, nhớ những ngày nắng hiếm hoi nhà thờ Đức Bà kiêu sa như dát vàng giữa trời xanh thẳm, nhớ bức tường cũ kĩ đầy những nét vẽ graffiti đối diện với khung cửa sổ nhỏ nơi căn hộ chật hẹp, nhớ đến cả cái mùi thơm nồng, vi ngọt thanh tao của thanh kem mua vội, nhớ đến cả những lần chen chúc trên chuyến tàu về Satroville, nắm chặt tay anh mà cảm thấy thật bình yên… Nhớ…

Rồi tôi phải xếp những hòai niệm, những giây phút mà có lẽ cả đời con người chỉ có một lần lại vào trong hộp kí ức, đề tiếp tục sống và làm mỗi ngày của mình đẹp hơn. Bạn tôi bảo quá khứ là để nhớ chứ chẳng phải để quên… Paris nằm trong lòng tôi, ngủ ngoan và dịu hiền, một đôi lần lại khẽ giật mình thức giấc, xa xăm gợi một mùa hè thi vị, long lanh như màu sương sớm, lãng mạn như một bản tình ca….

Paris ngày nhớ….

Pha Lê Tím…

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